Simply Girly

I always thought of doctors as kind of robots, and I guess, to some degree, that was appealing for me. I loved the idea of excellence beyond capacity and I wanted to be strong. I thought of my strength and resilience as character traits i’ll always want, and here I am, grateful for them, but trying to make sure they keep they don’t take over my humanity.

I don’t want to be too strong, because then, I’ll stop seeing myself as a person, and although many doctors are expected to be beyond human, I’m not sure that’s what I want.

I don’t know who I will be, and it is terrifying to begin to imagine it. During the speeches for our white coat ceremony, our speaker emphasized that becoming a doctor means carrying patients and their pain, their burdens and illnesses every day. But good doctors know how to care for themselves too.

I’m only in my early twenties, and this task of self care feels extremely challenging. How do I leave illness and death to a certain part of my day, and go on living as a person? How do I manage my emotions when I’m supporting people in the hardest parts of their lives?

This challenge is one which will take me time to fully solve, and may take me a lifetime to overcome fully. But it is also worth it.

Recieving my white coat may have been the best moment of my life. I know I am doing all I can to be there for people, and to pursue my purpose with God. I know I’m in my purpose, and it’s something no challenge can take away from me.

I’m excited to start, and become this new person. I’m not sure what I will look like, but I know I will be different. I hope and pray I remain as sensitive and kind, and empathetic, but I also pray I can be safe mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I described my feelings to my friends as a new color. Although a color never seen before is indescribable using vocabulary I know, it remains existing and vibrant. This new way of being is one I haven’t learned to describe, but the excitement of it all is something I can.

To all future doctors, I hope you experience the joy I did, knowing I made the right choice. May God guide us all as we embark on this wondrous journey.

Best,

Med Girly