Simply Girly

I do not know where I would be without my support system of women. They truly listen to me, and at the end of the day, I can be delusional, confused, or completely irrational but my girl friends will always validate my feelings and have me feel relieved after our conversations.

I have been going through whirlwinds after finishing university. My family has been experiencing death, betrayal, and true confusion. Therapy has been extremely influential in aiding my mental health by helping my body release some of my traumas, but I believe that my support system is what is helping me heal. Science supports this, as the greatest indicator of wether a person will heal from trauma, or overcome hardship is their support system. For some people this is family, however, for me, family can sometimes contribute to the stress we as humans and women experience.

Many women have to carry the emotional weight of their family’s struggles and inconsistencies. When my younger siblings are hurting others, I am first to feel responsible, and take a stand both to correct them and apologize for their mistakes. Thus, family for me can sometimes feel very pressurized.

With my friends, I have a group of considerate, empathetic women who understand my character, and will correct my line of thinking if I am wrong while being understanding. They remind me to take time to myself when I am overwhelmingly angry, and they remind me to be understanding when I am clouded by judgement. They also continuously tell me that I am not responsible for the actions of others, and they will comfort me and help me forget (even momentarily) the pressure I feel from work, school and family.

I am thus, a strong believer that friendships should never make your life harder. Although they may require effort to maintain consistently, and effort to support others when they struggle, this is a welcomed effort, and is not amongst the difficulty of which I speak.

The difficulty I speak of is disappointment, anger and true pain (not through empathy). I don’t think any friend should make you feel more broken, less secure, or even invalidated for your feelings. I have learned this the hard way, by accepting friendships that hurt me, led me to reduced self-worth and into truly dangerous circumstances. I had to cut many friends off, and although that might seem harsh, I truly believe that with friends, it’s okay to be picky.

I want to remind everyone that friends like these do exist. Friends that add to your self-worth, confidence, ease, joy and peace, and never ever retract from it. Although sometimes it seems too good to be true, the friends I have maintained for over 5 years have never once hurt me, and the ones that did, (by God’s grace) often faded away. Learning to be okay with the loss of a friendship is a very difficult endeavor, and the heartache of losing a friend is one that causes deep suffering.

But I know this suffering, and it is worth the peace gained from reducing one’s circle of friends to those who are truly caring, understanding and patient. I hope all people can find these friends, and I believe all women need their circle of close friends, even if they are in relationships. Because no one understands the struggles of being a woman and being misunderstood and conflicted and angry, yet wanting to be empathetic and strong, like another woman.

The late nights watching shows and screaming at characters, and laughing at jokes, and talking about bible study are ones I could never be grateful enough for. I love my girls, and I pray we may all find good friends.

“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul” -Proverbs 27:9